I am 16 years old, which is for many people the age of joy, happiness, and no worries. Normal wise this would be true but I have to admit that I feel quite the opposite for some time now. It is as if I am 35-40 years old with heavy loads on my shoulders. Naturally, this is mostly because of the mood I am in and lately I am not in a good mood. The good news is that I actually know why my mood is low.
First of all, I have my school “to blame”. Our school’s curriculum is heavy compared to other schools in terms of the lessons, the examinations, and the homework. Sometimes I feel as if I cannot breathe. Yes I know, I like to exaggerate. But really, it can be very hard sometimes. I can feel a lot of pressure, especially during the examination week. I also know of course that this is for the best of my interest and my future. I knew it very well before I started here thus I cannot complain but still it does not prevent me from feeling bad sometimes.
Another fact contributing to my “old age” is definitely the Covid-19 pandemic. Since the pandemic started, we have been deprived of a lot of social events such as meeting friends, spending time together at the cinema, the theater or restaurants, going shopping, and attending some gatherings. At the very beginning, we were not even allowed to go outside. We were all stuck in our houses for weeks. Because of this, my generation who needed to be outside and to have fun could not do these things as opposed to the past generations. That is why maybe I feel like I am at the age of the previous generation. For example, even though the restrictions became a bit lighter, I still did not want to or did not feel like going outside because we were used to staying at home and doing nothing. But now, with the opening of the schools I go out every day which is good, though it is school. I have caught my old routine and I can easily say that to some extent I feel younger than lately. Especially, when I have a good time with friends outside school, I feel like I am 16 again.
Future anxiety plays a big role in my feeling old. The bad and disastrous happenings all over the world increase my future anxiety and it also makes me feel sad. I wonder sometimes how my future prospects will be. Will I be able to attend the classes ı want to take at the university? Or will I be able to find a job that meets my expectations? In what kind of a world will we live?
As a result, I can say that feeling old or young totally depends on my bad or good mood. Good things and bad things happen in life and when we are having a good time we tend to forget the worse sides. So at those times, we feel younger but when those precious moments are over because the reality hits, I start to feel old again.