I woke up to another day feeling terrible with the darkness and suffocating fog of the morning. I no longer started the day wondering how it would go because every day was the same as the other days.
It was as if the realities of my life hit me as cold water hit my face. I didn’t want to think too much, but I couldn’t because there wasn’t a single moment when my brain wasn’t thinking about anything. I put on my clothes and slowly walked to the kitchen to have breakfast. Even though I didn’t feel like eating much, I had a snack because I was going to school. I brushed my teeth and looked in the mirror before leaving the house. I smiled bitterly.
This year I was going to school more reluctantly. In fact, I had no desire to do anything this year. My interest in people had diminished at a level that can be said dramatically. I arrived at school with “Best Days” playing in the car, hugged my dad, and got out. I was feeling sad, and now I was entering my school, which I used to look at with pride, in the mornings with blank eyes and a temporary smile that would last throughout the school hours.
Lessons were boring and breaks were thoughtful. I often looked at the people around me and wondered what stories they had. Their insincerity and how easy they were to judge kept surprising me more and more every day. These days, people’s ambitions were frightening and angering me. It was frustrating because I knew I had to be like that too. I knew I had to study, I knew I had to do my homework, but it was so tiring for me to do it. But I was happy for them because they were doing the right thing after all.
With such thoughts, I left my friends and started climbing the seemingly endless stairs for the lesson. I spent time thinking about everything except the lesson, I couldn’t concentrate. As I was going down the stairs, I heard the conversation of two friends studying in the preparatory class. They were so full of life, so happy… I once heard that it was easy for them to get used to school and how much they loved it. They were laughing, they were talking about things that seemed very small with such great happiness that I looked at them with admiration, a smile came to my face without realizing it. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I had just got out of the last lesson so I packed quickly since I got teary all of a sudden. While I was exitting the school I wished on behalf of those girls that these thoughts and feelings of theirs would not change.