It was my birthday today, but for some reason I wasn’t excited at all. I was living a very empty life. If I had the chance, I would love to go back in time and take care of everything, but I think that was impossible. I made my morning coffee again and got to work. My work, which has always welcomed me. That damn computer again, that damn keyboard and that mouse. Yet another code and another low-paid job. I’m literally living a life like garbage. Since it’s my birthday today, I decided not to push myself too hard.
I’m done with the computer. I decided to make a cake for myself because I had nothing to do. I wanted a different taste, not sugary. Anyway, I did the best I could and put it in the oven. I had two or three candles from my mother. It was a little sad that I celebrated my own birthday on my own, but it’s okay, it’s my fault that I’m in this state. All my loved ones who had died or left me were in front of me. Everyone was in front of me, from my mom to my girlfriend, who left me three years ago. Whatever happened happened at that very moment, when I was blowing out the candles.What I needed to do in my instant life was filling up in my head, and with this gas, I destroyed my entire computer, those projects I did, I smashed them all, I did it just because of two or three things that came at once. But there was something I misjudged, I think that the part I said I should do was the part I shouldn’t have done. I had suffered great disappointments and I had to face this fact. Everything had happened so suddenly that the mistake I had made was big enough to make me want to get myself killed. Maybe one day I could have become a famous code writer, and look at what happened, everything turned to ashes, I and my career became garbage, just because the people I missed and loved came into my sight.
I couldn’t really run away from it and give up and just sit there. I need to think about the things I can do right away, but I can’t think about those people I’ve always been thinking about. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t take care of my brain… My mother was in front of me when I passed out, but the person I thought was my mother was a doctor who took me to a room in the hospital.