Hopeless in a Ruthless Place

He opened his eyes to the endless world; crying, sobbing, asking for help for anything. “What a beauty, such pureness shall never be seen anywhere else.” said the old lady. He wondered who the lady is and why she was there, continuously standing near him, almost watching his every move. Perhaps, he is the most important of a being, someone precious, someone whose eyes will shine with the promise of glory. And these words were his first impressions of women and himself.

Well, his ideas may have sounded bigheaded, a misogynist if I have to be clear, but eventually he grew up to be a kind, well-educated young man. The only problem was his lack of knowledge about the world. Yes, he may have read Rosseau, Voltaire, and Moliere and doubtless to say learnt much about the greatness of humanity. However, was simply reading through enough? Mustn’t he be a part of the hectic crowd? Mustn’t he enjoy the perks of being a part of this greatly-integrated society?

His long, shiny blonde hair fluttered while he was walking down the streets of Beyoğlu. In the late 19th century, Beyoğlu was a mix laughs, common songs sung by girls with strange accents, the vinewed smell of wine, and candescent lights overflowing out of the curtains of high-end places. Nevertheless, mornings were still fine for a sane walk all by yourself. “The charm of a nightlife…” he murmured. The so-called appeal of living in the arms of a German girl with a colorful dress, yet a colorless heart…

He was tired of nothing but his mind when he decided to take a break from the walk and enjoy some cigarettes and coffee. Just as he lit the smelly poison he noticed a little boy on the corner, barely tall enough to be 6. He had caught a fly and he was ripping the wings of the small, horrified-looking creature. Should I be regretful about spending my childhood with my nanny, reading, or perhaps gossiping? Or should I be glad to having been taken care of by a lady with love and benevolence?

“News, I got the news!”  shouted another boy. “Damn, the work at the paper… Hüseyin will definitely do anything to get me fired!” uttered Seyfi. He threw some coins on the table and called the driver immediately, still, he had been undeniably late to the office.  He saw the “potato” just in front of the door of his room. The potato, obviously Hüseyin, was a man in his thirties, wealthy enough to never go to school to get a diploma or not having to apply to get a job. With his tomato-red face and sweaty belly, he threw an ice-cold look at Seyfi. “Why aren’t you already in here, working on the special edition? Perhaps you were at Beyoğlu all night, weren’t you? You unmarried pricks think you are any better than men who cheat, don’t you? But you are no different, now get in, what are you staring at?” uttered Hüseyin. “The paper on the table, they burnt the “The Attic” down?” cried Seyfi. “Yeah, the owner of that filthy nightclub had been claimed to plan a coup against the Sultan, haven’t you seen the ashes, they say it is all over Beyoğlu.”. answered Hüseyin.

Seyfi grew paler and paler every second, he shivered with the great apprehension in his eyes. Oh God, he thought, oh my dear God what if something happened to my dearest Ellie… He stood up in a second, looked right into the eyes of Hüseyin, and ran out of the office with an adrenaline rush. Ellie was a young woman in her early twenties, she had been working at various leisure centers as a singer since she was 16.  Seyfi met her at The Attic a couple of years before the incident occurred. The rest of the story was surely a 19th-century cliche, they fell in love but couldn’t ever be together because of social norms. That’s why Seyfi kept this love affair a secret and kept on visiting Beyoğlu regularly at the expense of being called a womanizer.

He had no patience to wait for a carriage so he ran his lungs out until he saw the dull gray ashes and smelled the death-like scent of smoke. He fell onto his knees and remained as still as a statue. “Seyfi, don’t give up hope quite yet, Ellie is one of the few survivors. She must be in one of those sinister hospitals, out of the city.” cried a lady covered in ashes. “Oh, Claire I cannot thank you enough!” said Seyfi and quickly called a carriage. He made meticulous plans of taking Ellie with him, demanding some money from Hüseyin, and leaving Istanbul on his way. He climbed up the stairs to the room Ellie was said to be staying in with great hope in his heart, yet fate had different plans for him. Ellie’s face was covered with bandages and her silk-smooth skin was now reddish and as rough as sandpaper. To crown it all, she was suffering, her whimpers were all over the room. Seyfi waited right next to her bed for a month, holding her numb hand and praying to God to halt her pain.

When she finally passed away and found her peace, Seyfi had already been a mess. He hadn’t been in the office for a long time and surely looked homeless when he decided to return to Istanbul. Hüseyin faced him right in front of the office and spitted these aggressive words: “Oh Seyfi, you impenitent depraved young man. Everyone heard about your dirty little lover and how she deserved her death. Never dare to ask for your job or any money from me, you don’t even deserve an explanation.”. Seyfi had no energy or will to say anything so went on to see his landlord and check his house, yet there was no need for a chat. His furniture was all over the garden, having already been sacked. He went back into the carriage and asked the driver to hit it, as the exhausted horses were crying, he threw himself out of the carriage and crushed under the horses. There was only an old lady at his funeral, she murmured these silent words:

As a child he never plucked the wings off flies
He didn’t tie tin cans to cats’ tails
or lock beetles in matchboxes
or stomp anthills
He grew up
and all those things were done to him

 

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