Aphasia

      When the Sun began to set, Rui received another plushie, a plushie made by the precious hands of his partner, Tsukasa. He always treasured the gifts that were given to him, but the gifts Tsukasa gave, he treasured them more than anything.

      Tsukasa was rather crafty when it came to tailoring things. The items he made were always unique and seemed to represent his personality. They were always brightly colored with lots of accessories. Whenever someone asked Tsukasa about his hobbies, his eyes would light up with joy as he began to show the items he had made. He would continue showing the items and bragging until the person who asked was dizzy.

      Rui had always cherished those gifts. Receiving these precious gifts from their significant other’s gentle hands. He knew that Tsukasa had put a lot of hard work and love into the gifts he made him. Every gift Tsukasa had ever given Rui was treated as if they were Tsukasa. When Rui was about to fall asleep at night, he would admire the first plushie Tsukasa had given him. He would gently run his fingers down the delicate stitches that Tsukasa had made, admiring the hard work put onto them. The first gift Tsukasa had ever given Rui was treated like a precious trophy that he would always hold it close.

     That is why he is now cuddling the plushie he received tightly, thanking Tsukasa.

“Thanks Tsukasa-kun. You always know how to lighten up my mood with your surprises.”

“Well, it’s my pleasure. I wish you could drop the honorifics though…”

“I can’t help it. It really does add character you know.”

A heavy sigh is heard right after that sentence.

“Alright… I’m not going to fight with you for it.”

Rui chuckles and starts admiring the plushie with a bright smile, pulling it away from his chest to see all the small details Tsukasa added to the simple plush to make it unique. As Rui began to get up, Tsukasa looked at him with a saddened look in his eyes. Before Rui could stand up, Tsukasa abruptly grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.

Rui squeaks, caught off guard.

“Is something the matter?”

“Do you… still love me?”

Rui’s eyes widen in shock. His reply arrives quickly.

“Of course I do. What made you think otherwise..?”

“Well… You never tell me sweet words anymore, nor tell me that you love me. We used to hang out all the time and go to cafes together. You used to tell me you loved me every day, but now it seems you only say it when you want something… Listen Rui, I’m trying to ask if you even love me anymore or if you’re only with me because you feel bad about leaving me.”

Tsukasa sounds desperate.

“Saying this may make things worse, but if I don’t say anything I’m going to lose it… I miss the old days; I miss the days when you gave me your love. I don’t know what I did or what happened, or if it’s simply that you’ve found someone better. I tried, I really did try to give you everything and do everything to make you happy. That’s why I made those plushies because I wanted to see you happy with something I made. But please, can you at least show you love me one more time…?”

Tears starts forming in Tsukasa’s eyes.

“…just— please…”

Rui stares at Tsukasa with a mortified expression, he wasn’t expecting the sudden outburst of emotions from Tsukasa. He brings his hand forward to hold Tsukasa’s cheek. Trying to calm him down.

“But I do love you… Why else would I be keeping all the plushies you give to me, adoring and appreciating every single one of them…?”

“Rui, I’m not those plushies. The affection you give them, I can’t feel any of that… To me, it feels like you love the plushies more than me.”

“I thought keeping those around would be enough to show my undying affection for y—”

Tsukasa pushes Rui’s hand away in a momentary frustration, causing Rui to get confused.

“Sorry. But thats clearly not how it works…!”

“Why do you give me those plushies then? For the fun of it? If you do not want me to care about them then why do you always gift me such things!?”

“It’s how I show my affection, I do want you to care about the gifts I give you, but you never realize how you’re pushing me aside to show your appreciation to those objects. It’s as if you pretend they’re me; then ignore the living me.”

Tsukasa sighs.

“Look. I know it sounds stupid that I’m getting worked up over something as trivial as this—”

Then he chuckles.

“Getting jealous over some plushies..? Just how silly is that?”

His expression switches to a desperate one again.

“But you need to understand… We haven’t gone outside, we haven’t spent some quality time together— Even if we did, one of those plushies are always around and they seem to avert your attention more than anything, I feel like I’m the second in your heart and the ones that are holding the first place are plushies. It is quite offending.”

Rui’s slightly frustrated and confused expression softens, now understanding it all.

“… Seems like we both just misunderstood each other’s intentions…”

“Please, explain…”

“Well, I thought if I brought the plushies with me, you would see how much I care about the things you gave me, just like how I care about you. I believed it would show that I love you more than anything and anyone… I’m sorry I never noticed my attention was always on the plushies. I’m also sorry that I didn’t notice I was hurting you… I just want to let you know that You’ll always be the only one I love…!”

“Mhm…”

“And you gave me these plushies both because you liked seeing me smile and it’s the way you show your love for me, by giving things you put your love and effort on.”

Rui thinks for a moment.

“You probably never thought I would grow this attached to them, and how it would go unnoticed by me…”

“Kind of… After some point I just thought you kept being around so I could gift you more things. I complied, so I could keep having you around.”

“Then I think it’s the right time to start proving otherwise. What you wish for is I stop bringing those plushies around and spend more quality time together, is that correct?”

“Yes, that’s it. Though… You can keep bringing them… Just don’t overdo it, keep your attention and gaze on me. Make sure I don’t feel thrown aside and feel loved. That’s all I ask.”

“Alright, but you should be more vocal about your troubles instead of storing them like this… Then I can act accordingly.”

“I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.”

“Good. Any hard feelings?”

“No, not at all.”

 They both begin to smile and giggle. Rui then speaks in a determined tone.

“I promise I’ll make sure I give all the affection and attention you need, I’m sorry for being oblivious to it for so long.”

“It’s alright, I should’ve pointed it out sooner instead of filling my head with negative possibilities.”

Rui sighs, contently. They both wrap their arms around each other.

“I’m glad this is resolved… I love you.”

“And I love you more…”

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