“Are you okay?” he said, which startled her. I saw two big and worried eyes staring down at her. It was odd; nobody ever came to check up on her while she had cried nearly every day in this corner. Why was today different? The stranger sat down next to her and didn’t talk for a while. The birds were chirping around and he didn’t make a sound. After a while he gave her his sandwich “ I have never seen you eat, here eat it. I have one more don’t worry”. She didn’t want to but she couldn’t turn down this kind of offer so she took a bite out of it. Suddenly he got up and just before he walked away he said, “I’m Doyle* by the way” with a wicked smile. When he was gone she ran to the bathroom and threw up with guilt. That made me sick, it was hard seeing her this way, trying to punish herself. She hasn’t eaten in three days and didn’t plan to ruin her score today. She hated her body. She hated it with such a passion that she wanted to rip her skin apart from her body. Every comment that her classmates made, such as “ stick, skeleton, bony ” made her hate the body she’s in even more. As if she could just have a perfect body she could be happy.
When she got home she immediately ran upstairs knowing that her dad was not home yet. In her room, she finally made eye contact with me. I usually followed her every day but she pretty much ignored me every time. She was miserable and I was her only friend. She sometimes got angry with me. I wish I could hug her or help her out or just tell her that I was all in her head. But I couldn’t and that killed me every day. She said, “ Medora**, what do you think that boy wants?” I did not have an answer so I didn’t say anything back. And we sat there in silence until we heard someone slamming the entrance door. It was his dad. He instantly started yelling “Iris*** where the hell are you?” Iris jumped from the chair and got downstairs. Her dad was lying on the couch with the TV open. Iris knew what she had to do. She grabbed her dad some beer and nuts. When she gave them to him. He tasted the beer and suddenly got angry “I said I wanted cold one this is warm you stupid thing” and threw the bottle right across the room almost hitting Iris. After he whispered to himself “you are just like your mother, a useless girl” That made me mad but I couldn’t stop it. Iris’s mother had died when she was little because of her dad. But before her death, she loved Iris so much and cared for her a lot. They had many happy memories; unfortunately, their time was limited. A little while later her dad fell asleep she went back to her room.
. . .
After a few days had passed she came home crying. She had spent her whole week with Doyle; she even started to like him a little. But she had just heard Doyle and his friends talking. He was telling them how he tricked Iris and played with her heart. This was too much for her to take. She said, “ Medora I can’t, I can’t do this anymore. Why does no one love me but you, why does nobody ever care for me?” Then she started to cry even harder. Actually, that was not true, she was her mother’s world until her dad ruined everything. Her schizophrenia started a little after. I guess she just wanted to fill the void in her soul with someone caring for her. Even though it was a delusion, she still needed me to survive. But was her life worth living? Living like this, every day is worse than the other. The sorrow is pulling her deep down while she tries to swim but no one is helping. She was drowning. My heart broke for her for the millionth time. I was filled with rage. Suddenly the whole world fell silent. Am I the only one hearing this cry for help? Would anyone care if she took her own life if she died? Or would everyone just go on with their day as if nothing happened?
I decided to end her pain, free her from this entire trauma and ease her mind. It was possible and I knew no one would shred even a single tear. “Iris” I whispered to her ear.
. . .
She was hanging there, her body looked lifeless. There was a teardrop running down to her heart-shaped lips. Lips that curved up every time she saw a rainbow. Lips that are cold and purple now. Vacancy in her eyes, the eyes that are swollen and red from crying. Her dad yelled from downstairs. Again and again. But Iris was far away already; there was no one to answer. As I stared at her dead body and felt myself disappearing I remembered our last conversation. “ Medora would I see you again, what will happen to you? I don’t want to leave you behind.” She was still thinking about me, even in her last breath. I responded, “ Iris don’t worry, we will always be together, I will never, ever leave you alone.” She smiled but just as that her smile faded away leaving her naive face vacuous. I felt relief while I was leaving with her, that she could be with her mother again. That she could be happy.
*Doyle: Doyle is derived from an Irish surname and means dark stranger.
**Medora: Medora is a girl’s name of Greek origin meaning “mother’s gift”.
***Iris: Iris comes directly from the Greek word Iris, which means “rainbow.”