I’ve always liked silence. Even when I was a small kid, even when I was scared of most things; I’ve always liked silence. Being alone with my thoughts and nobody else interrupting them, silence always gave me comfort. Sure, it was scary at times. Sometimes I felt very lonely to the point of breaking down and getting overwhelmed with my emotions and dark thoughts but from another perspective, it was calming and actually helped me to understand the concept of emotions.
Understanding your own emotions, analyzing others’ and finding a similar point was very awareness raising and informative. Just being busy with thinking and not having to speak up about your thoughts was comforting. Silence was one of the things I liked a lot.
Suddenly, the situation changed. The silence I liked a lot was a limitation and a wall in front of me from the things I want, from the person I want. If someone had told me something like this was going to happen, ı would have said it was impossible. It simply was, but miracles could happen, right?
The day I met him was a magical one if I have to be honest with my feelings. His vibrant smile could light up and warm up the entire classroom while mine could just simply turn people’s heads away. His loud laugh was like an angelic melody to my ears and his voice was just so loud. He was loud, he was the type of person I could never imagine to be.
He would hang out with his friends but anyone could spot him because of his talking tone. He was easy to spot while I was a shadow behind the class and nobody could even name the silent girl in their class. He was the opposite of mine and somehow I found his loudness as comforting as the silence I fell into years ago.
He was the first person to recognize me from afar and approach me to have a chat. That was the time I realized that I would give up on my silence to be near him, to be someone that he would want near him.
His intentions were not to get inside my head or heart, he just wanted to be friends and I was only another person he could add to his friend list, because he was a person like that; he wanted to be good with everyone, he wanted to be friends with every human being he could meet. He was an angel in my head and nobody could be better than him, not even the comfort that my lovely silence brought.
It was shocking for everyone to see my change but it was mostly him. He noticed my voice straight away and made a joke about how I was finally speaking up. I wanted to do it again and again so that he would be smiling and laughing near me like that. There was plenty of time for me to get better at speaking and even maling jokes. I was shocked but I was getting used to the long gone silence of mine.